No lead too big (or too small)

Having awoke to 7,000 return-to-sender e-mails in my inbox has been um, interesting. At first I thought...were supporters of less gun control this angry with me? Alas I'm just not that important.

Nope, it's the SPAMmers who have hijacked not one but two of my domains. I mean, why go for one when you can deliver a two-fisted punch? So, apparently, in addition to marketing services, people spanning both Americas, Europe and Asia think that my consultancy now sells products that enlarge the male organ and cure obesity. And I believe you can be smaller--or bigger--overnight. Quite a value proposition, actually.

True, I do work in a lot of markets but not these two...at least not officially. A few things for readers and pesky SPAMmers:

Be patient, I've got a war going on: If it's taking me a while to return e-mails, please understand that I am back at work--I'm just having to delete like crazy while my ISP continues to wage the war on SPAM...which I think is going a little bit better than the war on drugs (wait, do we still even have a War on Drugs?).

Your timing rots: My inbox is already backed-up from being away on personal matters needing my attention and now it's just a circus in there. Then again, it has taken my mind off of things.

Oh...and I'm winning the war: I've had a few people reply to me with some nasty words to "my" nasty e-mails. But MY CHARM trumps your SPAM you pesky little novices. I've explained to these infuriated people that I find them neither too BIG (obese) nor too SMALL (organs). In fact, it wasn't really "me" who contacted them. And now they're my new friends (and work for some decent-sized co's). So thanks for sending some biz potentials my way. I'm no victim....but it's so cute you mistook me for an amateur ;-).

Comments

[David Reich]

You find the silver lining in everything, CK.

[John]

You mean you don't have that effect on clients? Make them slimline I mean.

[Stephen Denny]

ck, I suggest you use these return emails, regardless of their tone, as proxies for "permission" and get the "social" in "social media" going -- come on, they're all either obese or, ah, you know. Think of how many emails and conversations you would have needed to exchange with anyone else to be able to craft such a personalized message!

I'm especially interested in those who work for "big companies" that replied, "yes! I'm definitely interested!" I'm thinking their close rates may be higher for some reason.

I have faith. Keep us appraised of your campaign. Clever of you!

[CK]

Denny: Why I'm keeping all e-mail addresses, compiling a list and then selling it to marketers. (just kidding, readers!).

John: My marketing programs don't add weight, it's true. But they do make for fabulous results.

David: Well, I am known for my epiphanies (being it's the name of my biz).

[mchale]

ck,

LOL :--) Your post is too funny for words!!

Did you create the "wtf" artwork? It looks great.

[CK]

Tim: I think I've finally managed the SPAM sitch. Yep, the artwork is something I had made long ago--and the time was nigh ;-).