Authenticity is magical (even if the process sucks)

I just completed a book titled "The Year of Magical Thinking" by Joan Didion. No, it's not a contender for the Book Club as it's not a book about how to create magical, revenue-rich programs; it's a book about the grieving process. It was my one action point this week...well, I've a ton of action points...but it was my top priority (thanks pal, for getting and even hand delivering it to me along with chocolate!).

What has most surprised me about the grieving process is how I've reacted to it. I'm usually all about epiphanies, silver linings on fluffy clouds and finding the inspiration in things. Not these days.

It's not that I'm negative, nor am I unpleasant to be around. People remark on how funny I am through all of this (I guess, unlike the Hulk, you would like me when I'm angry). But if you're around me, I just need to keep it very, very real. I've found I need, "Yep, the shit hits ten fans, you go through hell a few times, and if that ain't enough, your life and work seem pointless" much more than I need "There is purpose in this." Finding purpose is just far too much pressure at this point.

In line with this need, the book is a very "real" account of the grief that enveloped the writer for the year following the sudden death of her husband of 40 years while her daughter slipped in and out of two comas (her daughter recovered, but just barely). As she explains, "grief is something that happens to you, but mourning is something you actively have to do". During her grief she has illogical thoughts and transporting memories, referring to them as "magical" since they weren't true to her otherwise rational self.

Was it a moving read? Nope. An uplifting journey? Not a chance. Is it raw? Yep. And that makes it oddly comforting. Certainly at this time I relate to the writer's experience but what resonates--and what won my respect--is her delivery. Why? Because it's authentic. She didn't have a message, she has a story. She doesn't sugar coat (uh, quite the opposite) and she doesn't compensate: she gives herself completely to her audience through honestly communicating her experiences.

I know my joy and positive nature are returning. But it's ONLY through authenticity...even when it means that I authentically face a very challenging, at times downright sucky, road ahead...that is bringing back my positive outlook. Why? Because I'm being honest (read: authentic) with myself.

This week my blog made it back on the list of Top 25 marketing blogs. Mack was happy for me but I wasn't. I told him "It doesn't feel right being back on the list since the spike in traffic has been because of the tragedy. It's just so wrong. It looks awful to readers." Plus, because he's getting so close to making the list I keep asking Mack to give away my spot to Gavin (I know that's against the rules but he belongs on the list damn't since all he does is celebrate others!). Honestly, while an honor to be on lists it's the relationships, not the rankings, that are important to me anyhow.

But then Mack pointed out, "it's because you shared yourself with your readers." And it got me thinking. There are about 50 of you fine folks that I'm close to...so obviously the majority of readers whom I don't yet know (but look forward to knowing--drop me a line anytime!) are taking some interest in what I'm sharing and keep coming back (thank you for your time; I cherish it).

Does that mean I'll turn this into a personal blog? No. It just means something that we all know but are becoming even more acutely aware of: people connect with people and people are engaged by and through authentic communications. It's why I connected with the book, why I connect with so many of you and why many of you connect with me. So too with corporate communications.

For instance, when I started this blog I thought the big draw would be the interview series I had going. Honestly, I just didn't think readers would be interested in any of my viewpoints or opinions. Who the heck was I and truly, why the heck would any of you care? Folks, I spent so much time on those pieces that focused on others and yet the pieces that were my opinions--that took far less time!-- were far more read.

Heck, when I started blogging I refused to have a picture of me on my blog and had a cartoon figure instead. It took me a few months when I started to realize "real me" trumps "cartoon me" (even tho' I programmed cartoon me to wink at you every five seconds :-). The notion that people would want to experience me was...and still is...my single greatest surprise in blogging. But it's just those surprises that make authenticity--in both brands and people--indeed magical.

Comments

[Ann Handley]

I completely with your take on Joan Didion's book, CK (as well as your take on the blogging process, such as it is, and what you learn from it). It's not an easy or uplifting read -- actually, it's a difficult one. But her authentic voice makes it a rich experience nonetheless. Your authenticity makes your blog a rich read, as well, in a different but similar way.

BTW, Joan's daughter actually died a short while after she completed the book, I believe. Not sure -- but you might want to fact-check that.

[Cam Beck]

"Was it a moving read? Nope. An uplifting journey? Not a chance. Is it raw? Yep. And that makes it oddly comforting."

Strange, isn't it? Of course, we are often drawn to exactly what we need when we need it most. Does this have "meaning," or is it simply that our minds and hearts are working overtime to find that comfort we crave, wherever we think we can find it?

I don't really know. At the end of the day, what matters in the context of getting us functional again is that mind, body, and soul are healed from our ordeal. I'm glad that, bit by bit, you are finding your way there.

I'm also grateful that you're sharing your journey with us. It's nice to know you're still around. :)

[David Reich]

You are the real deal, ck.

[Mario Vellandi]

Authenticity exuded in a raw manner strikes within us a sense of awe, that in this case, is better likened to respect than admiration. It won't change our perspective, but it'll hold a small place in our awareness. Kind of like a big yellow sign in our peripheral vision.

Hope the process gets better. All I can think of as advice is to maintain a good diet for now. Eating well has a huge influence on our mind; even if just temporary.

[Mack Collier]

First to clarify, CK would have made the Top 25 last week too if I had done the countdown then.

But here's my take: Over the last 3 weeks or so, EVERY post you have left here has either been about your online family (the gazillion of bloggers you have met), or your offline family (momma, Melissa, Jacky, Ruth). IOW, you have been writing about the people you care about, you have been writing about the people that you are passionate about. And as I've always said, I want to read bloggers that blog about their passion. Sure you're passionate about marketing, as we all are. But you're more passionate about your friends and family.

And I think writing about those people makes your writing more interesting. Because you are writing about who/what you are most passionate about.

[Gavin Heaton]

Beautiful post, CK. You know, I was just reading this great post by Lester Wunderman and he talks about how all relationships are local. This is how I feel about my blogging friends and the community we inhabit -- we may be separated by geography and time, but we are connected on a much deeper level.

There are plenty of blogs out there on marketing and brands and advertising, but we come here, to you, for something more. Difficult times bring out the best and worst in us and your willingness to share this shows great courage. But it also brings us all closer.

We can hear the sound of your heart breaking, but we can also hear it beating strongly with the passion and energy and love bestowed on you by your Momma.

So when we read your next post, and your next ... we read it in a new way. We read also with our hearts and a deeper connection and trust. Many brands and marketers would envy such a connection. As would many bloggers!

Your place in the Top 25 is more than deserved ... and I hope it brings your very special touch to a wider audience. Something we are always in need of!

Oh, and Lester's article is here:
http://lesterchroniclesblog.wunderman.com/archive/2007/03/06/150.aspx

[Lewis Green]

Good post CK. I think your readers resonate with your life and are grateful to share in it. Our work is just work, it isn't us. But our hopes, our dreams, our relationships and our experiences make up who we are, and that is what you share, and why we care.

A note about "The Year of Magical Thinking." It is now a play, a one-woman show, starring Vanessa Redgrave. It is playing before sold-out audiences in London.

[gianandrea facchini]

ck, blogs reflect what we are on our public and private life.